Monday, February 25, 2013

Faith and Patience - A lesson in perseverance

I thought God had taught me all I needed to know about Faith and Patience. Boy was I wrong. I had it all planned out. My husband had two semesters left of seminary, and then I was free to come back home have more babies and go back to being a mom and wife.

We became pregnant right on track with my plan. I would have a November baby get my maternity leave, he would graduate and then he would get a wonderful job and we would move out of our tiny seminary apartment by the end of January at the latest. I even got the girl I had been longing for.

Autumn Rose came on my birthday, couldn't have asked for a better birthday present, Aaron graduated on December 14 with over a 3.8 GPA (yes my husband is the smartest man I know). Christmas came and went and still no job, not even a good nibble.

God provided, He always does. New Years came and went, we enjoyed extra time at my parents because I was staying home and he was just working UPS. Wonderful holiday season of relaxation, no juggling two work schedules.

Then came the worst day of my life, I get the call every daddy's little girl dreads. My dad, who I had just seen in great health two weeks earlier was dead. I was crushed, numb, confused, angry and a lot of other emotions that come with heartbreak and loss.

I could see God's timing in Aaron not having a job yet. I got to spend a week with my mom and sister. My dad's twin sister who had been battling brain cancer for over a year, passed away five days after my dad. I got to go and see her before she passed and Autumn Rose and I were there when she passed away.

God comforted me, He surrounded me with loving family, friends, church, and gave me a peace about everything that was happening. Then I came home, and the waiting game continues. I still have wonderful friends and family who are always there for me, and I want to be there for them as well.

In limbo, is how I describe this stage in my life. I feel like I can't plan anything. I am living day to day waiting to hear if Aaron will get a job and we will be moving soon. I don't want to commit to anything because I don't like canceling plans or letting people down. So I sit... waiting... and waiting...

This is where I am at right now. Being taught patience and faith. Learning to rest in God's comfort and timing. Knowing that He has a great job out there for my husband and that in His time He will make everything known and start the ball rolling. I sit at His feet waiting and struggle with the temptation to jump ahead and seek my own council or that of others.

God provides, He is providing. With Aaron's part time job and freelance work we are surviving and thriving. It is amazing to see how He supplies all our needs, even though we yearn for the next steps in our journey, He has us here for a reason.

"For I know the plans I have for you” this is the Lord’s declaration “plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you” Jeremiah 29:11-14a

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Not My Will But Thine (as long as it is what I want)

This seems to be the prayer of many Christians today. We enjoy throwing around the Christian card and saying that we want God's will to be done in our lives and society but what we really want is our will with God's blessing. I have been praying for over four years that God will send my family to the mission field, namely Ireland. It is what I want and desire so that must mean that God wants that for me too, right?

Wrong, we all have our wants and desires, but God's plan for us is so much better than our own. David wanted to build the temple in Jerusalem, but God in His wisdom, knew that David's son was the one that He wanted to build the temple. Jonah didn't want to go to Nenivah, but God's plan was for Him to speak to that city so that they may be saved.

We see in the Bible when there is conflict between God's way and man's way, God's way prevails. Yes, there are times when people mess up, Abraham and Sarah are a prime example. Instead of waiting on God's timing they jump ahead and the negative result continues today. We too tend to jump ahead of God. We want things when we want them and do not want to wait.

We live in a now culture. If I want something I go and get it. I can't afford it, I charge it and pay for it later. If I can't find it in my hometown I go online where I can find anything and order it, next day delivery. With the now culture, it is not just worldly items that we want now. We want a new job, a better relationship, smarter children, and a closer group of friends. We want them now and we will do whatever it takes to push that through. Despite the costs to those relationships or others.

Sometimes God wants us to slow down and really think about what He wants for us. Do we really need play dates for our 3 month old three times a week? Does our two year old need to be enrolled in soccer, dance, karate and preschool? Do I really need to meet the girls every week for a shopping trip and lunch? Do I need to spend every lunch break at work searching the internet for a new and better job?

With all the technology that we have today we are always busy, always on the go, have our lives planned out to the minute detail. When do we take a breath and wait on the Lord? When do we take a step back and listen to what He would have us to do?

As moms, wives, friends, sisters, and daughters we need to make sure that we are taking time out to listen to God and to wait for His direction. Do we really need 3 dozen friends and four playgroups? Are we really spending quality time with our children? Putting down the technology and listening to what they want and need from us? Are we waiting for God to tell us where He would have us go?

Or are we jumping ahead and saying if God doesn't close the door it must be okay? Take time this week to reevaluate your relationships, time and faith and see if you are in God's will or just moving forward aimlessly because you feel like you need to fill all your time with stuff. It isn't just material things that can get in between us and our relationship with God and others. Sometimes it is our need to fill our time with non-essentials and not with the only essential, God.