Monday, February 25, 2013

Faith and Patience - A lesson in perseverance

I thought God had taught me all I needed to know about Faith and Patience. Boy was I wrong. I had it all planned out. My husband had two semesters left of seminary, and then I was free to come back home have more babies and go back to being a mom and wife.

We became pregnant right on track with my plan. I would have a November baby get my maternity leave, he would graduate and then he would get a wonderful job and we would move out of our tiny seminary apartment by the end of January at the latest. I even got the girl I had been longing for.

Autumn Rose came on my birthday, couldn't have asked for a better birthday present, Aaron graduated on December 14 with over a 3.8 GPA (yes my husband is the smartest man I know). Christmas came and went and still no job, not even a good nibble.

God provided, He always does. New Years came and went, we enjoyed extra time at my parents because I was staying home and he was just working UPS. Wonderful holiday season of relaxation, no juggling two work schedules.

Then came the worst day of my life, I get the call every daddy's little girl dreads. My dad, who I had just seen in great health two weeks earlier was dead. I was crushed, numb, confused, angry and a lot of other emotions that come with heartbreak and loss.

I could see God's timing in Aaron not having a job yet. I got to spend a week with my mom and sister. My dad's twin sister who had been battling brain cancer for over a year, passed away five days after my dad. I got to go and see her before she passed and Autumn Rose and I were there when she passed away.

God comforted me, He surrounded me with loving family, friends, church, and gave me a peace about everything that was happening. Then I came home, and the waiting game continues. I still have wonderful friends and family who are always there for me, and I want to be there for them as well.

In limbo, is how I describe this stage in my life. I feel like I can't plan anything. I am living day to day waiting to hear if Aaron will get a job and we will be moving soon. I don't want to commit to anything because I don't like canceling plans or letting people down. So I sit... waiting... and waiting...

This is where I am at right now. Being taught patience and faith. Learning to rest in God's comfort and timing. Knowing that He has a great job out there for my husband and that in His time He will make everything known and start the ball rolling. I sit at His feet waiting and struggle with the temptation to jump ahead and seek my own council or that of others.

God provides, He is providing. With Aaron's part time job and freelance work we are surviving and thriving. It is amazing to see how He supplies all our needs, even though we yearn for the next steps in our journey, He has us here for a reason.

"For I know the plans I have for you” this is the Lord’s declaration “plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you” Jeremiah 29:11-14a

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